I lose myself when I’m in a relationship, I lose my independence and end up giving up all the things I like to do. I hate it when I do that. I want to be really careful in the next relationship that I don’t do it again.
Have you ever said this?
Have you ever felt like this?
Oddly I’ve been hearing this a few times over the past month or two from female clients and it got me thinking, how many other women have this habit.
I know I did.
During my 24 year marriage I lost myself. I rarely did anything for myself, my spouse and my son came first, and then work. After that I was just too tired, there was too much to do.
It was only after my marriage ended and I had time to focus on myself that I discovered that person I had been before I met my husband
I started to go dancing again. I got back into personal growth and I began volunteering and joined a weekly organization to work on my speaking and leadership skills. I started to do things for me again.
As I mentioned I’ve spoken to a few women lately who have said, this. So why do we do it? Why do we let the relationship take us over and give up those parts of ourselves we really like?
Bet you thought I had the answer, didn’t you?
Well I don’t know why we do it but I think I may know what we can do to ensure that it doesn’t happen going forward.
Doing some work with a coach on boundaries and learning how to better express your feelings and needs is a great place to begin to change how you are when you’re in a relationship.
One of my favorite quotes is, "if you always do what you always did you’ll always get what you always got."
So what patterns are you seeing yourself repeat in your life and when will you be ready to change something to get a different result?