Changing perspective on goal setting. Learning to be more self compassionate.

 

Changing perspective on goal setting may not be easy but learning to be more self compassionate may help.  For most of our lives school and work has taught us to set goals for ourselves. How would it feel to change your perspective from goal setting to creating a focus ?

At the beginning of each new calendar year many begin their goal setting. Creating a New Year’s resolutions. But what if you’re not a goal setter? What if the word “goals” holds some charge for you?

For all of my married life I never did this. I was too exhausted from work, raising a child and running a household. These days however it seems like something I must do, because I want to, I feel an urge. I want to grow as a person.

Most of us think of doing this in January and to be honest there are many of us who never do it. We just let life happen to us without any planning. But last month one of my clients said he wanted to start his 2017 focus list now and I admit, I’ve kind of gotten caught up in the idea of it.

Some people never set goals in their life due to the fear of failure. So if you don’t’ sent a goal then you can’t fail, right? I was like this but since becoming a coach I’ve done my work on “failure” and have learned to have more self compassion around it.

So what would it look like if you set your goals from a place of greater flexibility? If you came from the perspective of creating some ideas around what you want your “focus” to be for the coming year. What you want to make progress towards. Some of the things will get done and some will get relegated to a wish list, I find if I do this that I don’t feel a sense of guilt or failure over it.

CREATE A FOCUS LIST

So how do you begin a “focus” list? Try these steps:

• Think about something you wanted to do this past year but you did not. What prevented you from doing it? Can you change something in your life this year to make it happen? And how badly do you really want it?

• What are you working on in your life or what do you want to change? Do you want to be more active, make a new friend, join a class or stop being so judgemental of others?

• Once you have an idea or two that really lights you up, remember to not make a list of things as long as you’re arm or you will likely not achieve it, then write them down.

• Next, think about how far you want to be towards achieving that thing by the end of say March of next year. Check in with yourself every 3 months to review where you are at. ( I like to put a reminder in my cell phone and have it pop up as a way of checking in with myself. )

• Find someone to hold you accountable to what you said you wanted.; a best friend, your partner or even a coach. Telling someone you want to be accountable shows ownership and commitment, to yourself. Don’t have an accountability partner, click here for a coaching appointment.  Remember that in order for you life to actually begin to change it’s going to mean taking ownership of the direction your life is going in.

• And finally here’s the last part, the place where I differ from everyone else out there. If you don’t achieve these few items don’t kick yourself about it. You have not failed because here’s the thing, it’s a focus list not a goals list!! If you created more focus on what you wanted different but didn’t quite accomplish it, you’ve still moved from where you were.  And that is progress worth celebrating.

A MORE COMPASSIONATE APPROACH

Changing perspective on goal setting can look like changing your perspective on failure. Holding the belief that whenever we learn something new we take two steps forward and one step back. And that regardless of that step back we have still moved forward. We are no longer in the place where we started.

So what do I want to focus on for 2017? I’d like to stick to my plan of writing one blog post a month. I did not achieve it this year but it’s something I want to do next year. It forces me to learn, allows me to connect with my friends and clients on a different level and allows me to share things I learn with others.

If I take a step back one month, ie: don’t post, feel free to hold me accountable by bringing it to my attention!! You’re not the only one who may be working at changing their perspective on goal setting!

Why not leave a comment as to what you would like to focus on for 2017.  Putting it here is another way to hold yourself accountable to what you say you want in your life.