Why can’t they speak English? Having the shoe on the other foot.

Why can’t they speak English? Have you ever caught yourself thinking this when on a toll free service line or in a store? Living in Canada we have two official languages here, English and French. It was mandatory to take French when I went to high school and I hated it. In fact, I failed Grade 11 French, and I even had a tutor!

Can you speak a second language? Have you ever tried to learn a second language? It begs the question of, what would happen if the shoe was on the other foot?

LEARNING TO SPEAK SPANISH

Fast forward to 2008 when I immigrated to Panama and knew I had to learn to speak Spanish.

It was hard but I loved it. I love how it beautifully rolls of the tongue; I love how many of the words are similar to English. Sadly as I do not live there anymore I have little opportunity to practice, and I never was truly fluent, but by the time left I could go into the city on my own without a translator and do what I needed to do.

Today as a coach I focus on communication, part of that involves how we speak, what word choices we use, inflection, body language, tone of voice etc. Having been a Toastmaster for 5 years I learned even more about the value of our language as I practiced my public speaking.

At the moment one of my clients is ESL, English as a second language. And our sessions are often around issues with native English speakers.

• Their rampant use of idioms.
• The speed at which they talk.
• Their impatience with non native speakers.
• And at times innuendo.

For an ESL person native English speakers can be very inconsiderate of others in the group.

I get why they feel that way, I’ve been there myself. I’ve had to communicate in that second language and it wasn’t easy. I was often misunderstood and could not get done what I needed to. I felt stupid at times and beyond frustrated.

How the non native speaker see it

In a recent article on the website BBC Capital entitled, Native Speakers are the worst communicators. Chia Suan Chong, a UK-based communications skills and intercultural trainer, is quoted as saying, “When misunderstandings happen, it’s usually the native speakers who are to blame. Ironically they are worse at delivery their message than people who speak English as a second or third language. “

Besides clients I’ve also worked with several Toastmasters who came to the meetings to improve their English. I know they would agree with Chia Suan’s statement.

So if you are someone who is working on your communication skills at the moment in your relationship why not give some thought to how you come across to others when you meet an ESL person. Consider trying this.

Compassion and Empathy

These are two of the biggest things I teach my clients when we work on communication skills, and the two things I offered those ESL Toastmasters when they would ask for mentoring.

Compassion means giving then a break, having patience with them and making yourself speak slower; more clearly enunciate your words and choose simpler ones. I was able to show empathy because I understand what it feels like to try and communicate in a different language from our mother tongue., to have others not understand you and how that can sadly affect your self esteem. If you have ever travelled to a foreign country you will remember how hard it was to communicate, draw on that experience when you meet an ESL person.

By becoming more aware of how we choose to connect with others in our lives we can make a deeper connection. In the end we are all human beings, with feelings and emotions and we all just want to fit in.

Is there someone you know who you can better help to fit in?