Self Compassion can be hard. A personal struggle to learn.
April 9, 2015
Coach or Therapist? The answer is yes!
May 21, 2015
Do you ever get frustrated learning something new? Maybe even angry when you don’t get it the first time? Believing that you should get it right away?
And as a result you dropped the task out of frustration because it just wasn’t working as it should so forget it?
I know I have. But since I came across the 4 Stages of Unconscious Incompetence, while in my coach training, I’ve found a way to be able to change this. Now getting through the task or lesson is easier. The knowledge of the process also helps to avoid self punishment. Keep these steps in mind the next time you begin to learn something new.
WHAT STAGE OF CONSCIOUSNESS ARE YOU AT
When we begin a new task or begin to change behaviours in our lives we are at:
Stage 1: Unconscious Incompetence. I don’t know what I don’t know. I do not know enough about the situation to know what I don’t know yet. You would be here before you learned to drive a car as an example.
Stage 2: Conscious Incompetence: Now I know what I don’t know. You’ve begun the journey; you’re at the first steps of learning a new skill. Many of us will give up at this stage; this is where the frustration kicks in and often gets the better of us. You’ve decided to lose weight but begin to realize that you don’t know how to be successful at it and you know little about nutrition.
Stage 3: Conscious Competence: I know what I know. You are finally getting good at this thing!! We are not yet experts but we know a great deal about the task at hand and have enough confidence to want to get even better. As we progress in the new skill we will often move back into unconscious incompetence, master the new aspect and move back into conscious incompetence. (The old adage two steps forward one step back.)
Stage 4: Unconscious Competence: I’m not aware, and I know. You’ve mastered it. Here is where you are driving your car on automatic pilot. You are not even aware that you are doing the task or have changed behaviours in yourself, it just flows.
By integrating this knowledge into one’s life you are choosing to show yourself compassion. Example; you want to break the old pattern of not honoring boundaries in your life. It is much easier to say to yourself as you stumble, “It’s ok, I’m past unconscious incompetence and I’m into conscious incompetence, I am learning and this is where I need to be at this time. I will continue to master this skill. “
Think of something you have wanted to do differently in your life, what stage are you at with it? And have you given yourself credit for your learning so far?
People come to coaching while at Stage 1, Unconscious Incompetence. They want to get to the stage of Unconscious Competence, when it comes to their personal growth. It’s my passion to help them with accountability towards that goal. How can reminding yourself of this process support you the next time you get frustrated learning something new?
