As a woman, how do you view your husband?
As something you own or as your partner?
I was married for 24 years. I became officially divorced on April 24, 2015, after over 4 years of being separated. I now live with a new partner and I don’t ever want to marry him.
Some time ago I had a conversation with a girlfriend who has been married for a little over 10 years. She shared with me her perspective on her marriage. She said she knew she was a bit odd but if she was really honest with herself she said she felt that being married gave her ownership of her husband. That because of being married she felt she now had the right to tell him what to do and when. It was like a light bulb went on for me, YES!!! I had felt the same way when I was married!! I had never realized it until she mentioned it but yes I did recall feeling like that during my married years as well.
Flash forward to current date and my new partner. We live together but have agreed that neither of us wants to get married again. Been there done that. For me I know deep down that if I was married to him things would change, they did when I got married the first time. There was a distinct shift in the relationship, it just felt different afterwards. I was different.
In my current relationship I am working hard to be cognizant of not dominating my partner, keeping my independence, letting him make his own decisions, especially because now we keep our money separate. (For me that makes a difference.) I try very hard to keep us as two separate individuals in a partnership.
So why did my girlfriend and I feel different after we were married?
Back in the not so distant past and in many countries around the world, married women are still deemed as property by their husbands. Possessions that need to do as they are told and not argue. Often times leading to very dire and sad consequences. So why then is it so foreign to think that married North American women might treat their husbands as something they own?
I’m not condoning the perspective, but I am saying it was certainly an awakening for me to realize that that was how I was behaving.
So, I’m curious, if you are or have been married sit with yourself and really think about the question. Look back at your actions and patterns when in a relationship, have you ever felt this way? Felt a sense of ownership?
Do you have a strong opinion on this? Leave a comment, let’s start a discussion. I would love to hear some other perspectives.